Free to be

I’ve been choosing to be mindful.
I’ve been choosing to say I’m choosing instead of I’m trying because everything is a choice.
I don’t know exactly when but one day I just woke up and decided that I didn’t want to waste my time anymore.

I didn’t want to waste my energy on things that weren’t improving my life.
I feel like I’ve been on autopilot. It got to the point where I always needed some form of entertainment in front of me like I couldn’t just sit with myself.

I knew it was bad but it’s like I just stopped caring about what I did with my life. I felt like I had always struggled so much financially that success just seemed impossible for a person in my position.

Especially when so many people are looking down on your dreams. I still don’t feel great about that but I just remind myself that people project their fears onto you.
I let it fuel my fire because I know I’m creating a loving and fulfilling life.

I’ve been feeling more aligned the past few months than ever in my life.
Don’t get me wrong I still have negative thoughts. But I leave it at just that, a thought. I’m done allowing negative thoughts (that aren’t even all mine by the way. I also was holding onto negative things people have told me as well) to rule my life.
I never took any risks or opportunities. Which kept me comfortable and familiar but also left me feeling extremely empty. This is why I started using social media nonstop.

I needed something to fill the emptiness I felt in my life. I couldn’t sit with myself because when I start to think, I think about everything I desire to accomplish in my life.
All of the writing, music, videos, and art I want to create. I’ve always loved to create but the thoughts in my head just kept giving me a million reasons why I shouldn’t express it.

“I’ll look ridiculous”
“People will think I’m weird”
“No one will care about what I have to say”

That hurt to write. But it’s deeply how I felt. Being mindful has caused me to challenge myself. Every day I challenge myself to have a good day and be as positive as I can.
When doubt comes to my mind, I just keep pushing anyway. I was trusting my negative thoughts for a long time and they’ve gotten me nowhere. I’m listening to my heart now and it feels so good to be free. I truly feel better than ever.
It’s crazy to think my thoughts were holding me, prisoner, from the life I deserve. Every day that I ignore the negativity, it gets quieter and quieter in my mind.