It feels so good to take control of my life. Once you understand that no one can control your emotions unless you let them, it’s a game-changer. I’m a very emotionally driven person. I cry when I’m feeling grateful and I cry when someone pisses me off. I’ll cry at the end of a happy or sad movie (I don’t know, it’s something about some good closure at the end of a crazy-ass movie that gets me every time). There’s nothing wrong with being emotional. I see it as a strength to be courageous enough to let your guard down. But for the sake of your peace, it’s important to know what’s worth a response.
Here are four things I’ve been doing that have helped me protect my energy.
1.) Don’t expect so much from others
We must find happiness within ourselves instead of looking for love and approval from others. Don’t get me wrong giving and receiving love is my favorite thing to do. But sometimes we look too much to others for comfort and reassurance and when they stop giving it we’re disappointed. This is why we need to make sure that we’re able to find that peace and love within ourselves so that we’re unwavering by anyone’s mixed emotions towards us.
2.) Stop reacting
When someone says/does something that irks my soul, I’m quick to snap. And every single time I let myself get that worked up over someone’s bullshit, it ruins my day. I can be so stubborn, I’ll spend hours sulking or holding a grudge. It’s so unhealthy because at the end of the day I’m the one feeling hurt and bitter. I had to let go of that familiar feeling of reacting. I know it’s frustrating to not feel heard and understood. But chances are if you’re talking to an asshole then you won’t be able to make them understand what you’re saying anyway because they have no interest in actually understanding you.
Some people just want to control you. Some people get amusement and satisfaction from hurting you. This is where the art of not reacting comes into play. The more you practice cutting off and disregarding bullshit, the more at peace you’ll be. Like everything, it’s the hardest in the beginning. Don’t beat yourself up if you lose your temper a lot at the start. It’s not something that happens overnight. When you catch yourself getting worked up in a situation, take a second to take a few deep breaths and think about if the issue is worth your energy. Some problems just cannot be avoided. But it’s up to you to decide what’s worth it and what’s not.
3.) Make necessary cut-offs
You’ll need to decide who and what is worth your energy. It’s natural that at some point or another we’ll have conflicts with everyone in our lives. We all make mistakes so forgiveness and grace towards the ones we love is important. It’s about keeping the people around that match and add to your energy much more often than they take. As I said, it’s completely up to you to decide who you pour into. But if you’re like me and you’ve struggled with having solid boundaries, here at a few things you definitely shouldn’t accept.
A.) People who constantly make fun of you for their amusement. I’ve never understood those “friends” that constantly hate on you and talk shit just to disguise it as a “joke”. If you find yourself around people that are constantly pointing out your insecurities and making you feel bad about yourself, you need to drop them quickly.
B.) People that constantly belittle your ideas and victories. If you’ve got someone around you that doesn’t believe in you and looks down on everything you do, they have to go!
C.) People that only like to gossip and talk about negative/depressing things. If you’re feeling drained every time you interact with certain people/situations that is a sure sign that you’re not energetically aligned and you need to cut it off.
Unfortunately, it’s very common to have these kinds of people in your immediate family. Sometimes you can’t do a clean cut-off because you still have to see the person. For these instances keep note of what I mentioned earlier in the post about not reacting to the bullshit. You’ll have to bite your tongue when you’re talking to a brick wall of a person. When you feel yourself beginning to get heated, remember to take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that you are not going to waste your energy arguing in circles.
4.) Pour your energy into your passions and desires
I found that a big problem I had was misusing my energy. Like I said earlier, I’m a very emotional person and I don’t like to have any issues with people because it weighs on me so heavily. Whenever I’d get into an argument with someone I’d stress out to the point where I’d start having nightmares about it. Thinking back on it, I was probably having so many issues in my life because I was attracting negative energy to myself from constantly stressing over things out of my control.
Check out my previous article on self-sabotage and how our thoughts control our lives for more context.
I was so busy being stressed out all of the time that I made no room for anything but more stress. Not to mention I smoke weed so after every stressful day, I would smoke a blunt to TEMPORARILY forget about it. I enjoy weed but it can be a major roadblock when abused. I think I spent years numbing the pain with it. We’ll have to get into more on that in a later post. Comment down below if you’re interested in hearing more about that!
Anyways, my point in mentioning all of this is to say, I had a lot of distractions that I didn’t even realize were completely draining me. I didn’t just have an abnormally long writer’s block like I thought. I had depression. I hated everything in my life because I was wasting all of my energy on energy vampires and I wasn’t pouring anything back into myself. I wasn’t taking advantage of my deep emotional energy to create, I was instead sulking in it and feeling bad for myself.
So yeah, choose what you put your energy into wisely. Make sure that you’re always filling your cup first and using your energy to fulfill your deepest dreams and desires.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post! Please comment down below any thoughts you have! I deeply appreciate all of the support. It truly means so much to me.